my boyfriend chooses his family over me

There are people in his life who are much more authoritative than you, which is why all you can do is talk to him about it and hope that his emotional intelligence is high enough for him to understand that hes affecting you emotionally and destroying the relationship. A "good" mother will give up 'first place' to the new bride (as it should be). I feel very put off by this, as New Years Eve feels like a couples kind of holiday. No parents will decide our kids names and decide where we live etc. I wished I have left sooner. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. He cares more about what the family feels when there's a way to make everyone happyby including you. Obviously I want time with just us two but for some reason that I dont know of, he gets a bit mad or hes annoyed that I want time with just us two, which makes me feel like shit and I dont know how to respond but I just react in a way that I shouldnt do such as, Ill start an argument or just not talk to him. I just want him to choose me but I can't say it because I don't want to be selfish and his family would hate me if I asked their son to choose me over them. Have a talk with him and ask him to hang out with you more often. I, personally, can't even wrap my head around it. I think hes just not that into me anymore. First of all, you cant make your boyfriend do what he doesnt want to do. Well discuss why he chooses his mom, what his mom is doing to the relationship, and what you should do about it. & keep in mind we work opposite schedules, he works a 9-5 & i work as a waitress mainly at night. Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. I cant believe he chose his daughter over me, I dont know what I did wrong, but its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. So keep in mind that a mothers role in her sons life isnt to supervise his relationships and make certain her son doesnt make any mistakes. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for empathetic, specific, and genuinely insightful relationship advice at its most convenient. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. To Hell, because of me! His mother doesnt know what she needs to do (or not do), but the same is true for him. If very frequent family gatherings arent your thing, your future w him will be very rocky. She is already having problems that obviously she is not ready for. For example, dating is prohibited hence why there are so many arranged marriages in the faith. Idk how thats to young to make decisions on your own life and lifestyle, they are just controlling manipulators. Partying was more important than being a wife and mom. And it's not just buying a house. We were so close before all this happened, and now we barely speak at all. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. They need to stay out of it to help you grow. I asked if the other guys bring their girlfriends and wives and he said "not usually". I've been thinking about divorcing him for that.. Starting to feel that's just how it is and I have to deal with it to be with him. Weve been dating for six years, and thats how long weve known each other. OTFmNzBlMmUzZGI5YzZlMjYwZDQxNmFhMWYxNDViNTg0MjRlYjIyYjEzNzYx You are right to feel this way. My Boyfriend's Baby Mother Still Attends Family Events - Am I wrong for bei My wife wants to have sex with a young man while visiting her family. Sometimes it can feel like you are the one responsible for this behavior. If there was a family party every day he would be there. My boyfriends daughter is always around, and its like she never leaves. he has been divorced for 4 years and has 3 children aged 17,20 and 22. LEAVE HIM! If she isn't willing to compromise you too better not get married, cuz the holidays aren't any different or easier when you get married. My boyfriend had to choose between mom and girlfriend. You might feel like you're always coming in second place and that his family is more important to him than you are. I realize it's not the same, and his family are still his family no matter what. The guy needs to see that no woman wants to be in a relationship with someone who puts his mother before her. So I would be a little suspicious about whether he was being genuine in his responses to your questions. We've been together for 3 years and 8 months. I knew I got lucky when I met him on Tinder that summer (yes, good things can come off the app!). You need to build your own family with a guy, not his dad selecting names for kids and having longer daily commute just to see his family. M2IxNDVjODJiODU1MDA5ODkzMTU1ZWI0MmY1YTU0ZWQ4MzE5ZGU1NWZjNjAy He was his mothers puppet and has no intention of cutting the cord any time soon. She's definitely missing out. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. "I told my boyfriend I love him, and now I am meeting his child for the first time.". This post is for women whose boyfriend chooses his mother over them. or situations/content involving minors. ZWY5MGNhZWUzMTEzOTFmZjc2M2I0ZmEwMTg5YTFiYWZiZWIzZTE1MDU4MjAz I'm the bad guy no matter what decision I make Why didn't you ask her to go with you to see your family, that's a simple solution! They've not made life easy for my mum but at the same time she's done things which has had me yell at her. I don't want my family to feel like I no longer care about them. There are some men that have been so programmed to "choose" their mother that even when they get married the wife does not end up in first place. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts, am I the asshole? Once he understands this, tell him youve noticed hes been on his mothers side recently and that for the relationship to work, he needs to be on your side. I dont want to have any regrets when he dies. I've told him I feel this way and of course he told his parents and sister. TL:DR I feel like I will always come second to my boyfriend's family. Unfortunately there is a very slim chance you will change this. Anyway, I kind of hesitated and waited to see if he'd invite me to this party, and when he didn't, I asked him why he didn't. Compromise somewhere!!!! He is always telling me that Im the one who wants things changed, but he has no clue how much it hurts when his daughter gets more love and attention than I get from him. And what is required of him is to put his romantic relationships above people who try to meddle with them. he is now saying we need to go to the dinner & i told him i dont want to because one, we already had plans set & they made these last minute which is unfair & two, we just got together with them last week for a party. Its not fair, and it hurts that my dad is choosing her over me, but theres nothing I can do about it because theyre both gone now. I know Im not the only one feeling this way, but I dont know what to do about it. What do I do? RELATED: 6 Things You Can Learn From How A Man Treats His Mother. You have to compromise in any relationship. MDE3ZTQ0MThkZWRhMjA3ZDZlOGE3MzEzZTM5M2E1ODc0YjA0MzQyOTAyZTdl When people show you who they are, believe them. Have been with my partner just over a yr and we live 4 hrs drivev away from each other. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? -----BEGIN REPORT----- ZmRjMzM2MWNjZTQyMjcwYmI4OGU4ZmFiNjU4OTQ1YTRhOGMxYWE0NGVlYWY1 Not because she loves you. It's a long-distance relationship, but we've made it work. Doesn't have to be every year!!! am i right for feeling this way? He has never spend christmas with me. Why can't he take you with him to see his family? I want to spend time with him. You should either find a compromise or leave. In doing so, hell placate her anger and make her feel important for being listened to. No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. its just super annoying to me that he constantly wants to go to his family dinners & parties instead of spending time with just the two of us. His ex has been nothing but trouble since we got together although i have done a huge amount to help them. My husband doesnt spend money on me is that ok? This is not an all-inclusive list. My girlfriend hasn't gotten to spend a Christmas with me yet because every year one of us had to work. Why Do I Keep Seeing My Ex-Boyfriend's Name Everywhere? Extremely close. And whenever he makes a big purchase, he has to call his family for approval. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window). That is complete BS. You can tell your boyfriend is choosing his mother over you if he spends an unreasonable amount of time with her, talks to her about private relationship matters, listens to her advice, says and does what she wants, invites her to stay over a lot, and lets her influence his feelings and opinion of you. Share your thoughts below! Exactly. Boyfriend will not introduce me to family or tell his ex-wife he's dating, Friends with benefits didn't want to spend the night. Hes not just going to magically change. I am still struggling to understand why he chose his daughter over me. She is not alone in this, and neither am I.. It hurts so much . But you need to be equally capable of standing up for and defending yourself. Looks like they are codependent. My BIL married into this. He never stops posting pictures of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school. YjMyNjdmYjM0ZjM1M2FjZGY3ZTBhZDM0ODU2YzExMDQzYmNmOTMzMmIyMzE2 He has known his mother all his life. Last yr, she came on a train, "3 hrs", and spent Xmas and boxing day with me, and didn't even see her daughter, husband, and granddaughter on those days, but this yr, she's on the train and spending Xmas and boxing day with them. So, in a way, I feel bad for his mom. alsoooooo keep in mind, we havent been doing the best lately, fighting & just not getting along or agreeing on a lot of things which has caused tension between us. His mom is from Pakistan, and his birth father was from India. They dont need a third person meddling with their business and giving them conflicting advice. He is hurting, and if nothing else, he needs someone who understands what hes feeling right now. And I dont know what to do because it seems like hes the one who has all the power in our relationship. So much so that I've never even met her, nor am I allowed on her property (which is actually no issue for me I'm OK with staying far away from her, believe it or not). It's impossible not to love my boyfriend. I want my family back getting back mother of child, fiance, I don't like my relationship with the guy I want to spend the rest of my life with. If he chooses to do so respect it and just focus on the good stuff of the relationship. ODMzMTU0MDAxMzkzYzQ4M2ZmNjU3NjhhNTY1ZmEzNDZmNjZiZWZkZjgyY2Zk So anyways to get to the main point is that literally ALLL the time he makes plans with his friends but doesn't go through me first. All of these will be removed and locked. As difficult as it may be, try to remind yourself that your ex left because he wasnt willing to understand you and compromise. Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. I feel betrayed to be honest. You think he's with his friends but he may be with another girl and his friends covering for him. Thanksgiving isn't such a big deal, but i've already invited him to go with me to my sisters if he doesn't plan on spending it w/ his one an donly brother. Answer (1 of 13): You can be jealous all you want. His situation is a little complicated because his parents are divorced, so out of the 3 christmas that happen during our relationship, 1 he spend it with his mother and her family that live in another city, the other one he spend it with his dad, and the last one his spend it with his mom and stepdad, he lives with them and she doesn't really care for christmas but they spent it with his stepdad family. NTU0NDYzMWY3YzZmMDYzOTQyZDNjMjE3NGMzNTQzNmI0ODY4OGE4ZTBjM2Nh He used to be attentive and loving, but now he loves his daughter more than anything else. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. 1. I am also the boyfriend in this situation. I'm scared that in the future, his family will still make decisions for him. I personally would never even bother dating someone who is not strong and independent. It drives me crazy because Im not getting the time I need from him. ZmMzZDYxY2RlMDllMWYyNmQ3N2MxNWM3NjVjYWU1ZmNlYzkwYTNmNDc3Yjc4 I'm in the same situation. MTNiYjJlNzQwM2YwNjVmOWI0OTI5NDRjYmYxZTc4ZjYyZWQ5ZDY4MjMzMGVl My boyfriend doesnt show me any love anymore. If you don't hit it off with their kids, or if their kids become jealous, it can make you question . If he is prepared, you can give him some healthy suggestions on how to make you a priority and his mother someone he speaks with (not over-relies on). This article was originally published at PopSugar. The one imperfect thing related to him? I am the boyfriend in this scenario. 2. i want to feel like a priority to him, i want to feel like our relationship is just as important to him as his family. At the end of the day he will choose his children over you if you kick off or refuse to speak to them. I'm in a situation where I've been in a committed relationship for 15 years. How To Cope With A Breakup You Dont Want? They text and call all day ..multiple times a day. I am choosing to put your kids before a relationship can be difficult. He wants to spend time with ex and children. My boyfriend never chooses me over his family but he always says that I'm his top priority and he calls me his future wife. You are not going to be his priority. Krieszta Follow Xper 4 Age: 32 We are together fo almost two years. NTg2ZWU0ZTMzOTc1ZDMzZGVhZDg5MDZjZTAyYmJhYTE4OTY5M2E5MzYwNTgw What you dont want though is to come on too strong. Thats the only way hell regain some independence and demonstrate that he respects you and prioritizes you. I have been with my husband for eight years, but he isnt that loving to me. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. My brother never spent Christmas with his girlfriend, always came home to be with our family. Over christmas i made a big mistake my wife and me went to v GF needed to work on herself but misses me and wanted to spend time together. Your access to this site was blocked by Wordfence, a security provider, who protects sites from malicious activity. ZGM5ODE2ZDlmMmYwM2Q2NzU0NGNkZTE1NWIxNjQyZjhkYmZkNTAxODQxN2Rh In the interest of privacy the writer's identity will always be kept anonymous. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. YTZlY2NmZDdlNDlhMTY4NTY3ZDMyM2MyYzE4Y2NmYTRmMSIsInNpZ25hdHVy YmM0Mjk3NjQzNDQ3YjhlMmJiZjVhN2YyMzdmMDhkYWJiYjM4MzcyMDljNDM4 This leads us into arguments where we both say hurtful things and then storm off without really resolving anything. By Lady Saoirse. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. My parents are divorced and I live with my mum and sister. In the end, when I say that I dont feel like hanging out with his friends and that I want to just stay at home and just chill with us two, he gets frustrated with me and turns it on me, making me feel like crap in the end, making us ending up chilling with his friends. Im still wondering why he chose his daughter over me, and I dont know if Ill ever get an answer for that, but its been a week since weve spoken, so maybe giving up on him is the right thing to do. Your best bet for the current situation is to tell him to go to this and make it up to you later. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). Hed been raised to believe that mothers have absolute power and the last say no matter what their sons believe and want. Deep inside, she probably knows shes being controlling and overprotective. MGY3ZjUzYzUyODk3MGI4N2JiYzM3OGE4YjJhZGJlNzZlZDMzNGJhYTcwNzUx She's being selfish. - SMART RELATIONSHIP. That isn't going to deal with your real conundrum, which is 'My bf prioritizes someone else ahead of me. We are pretty serious. im super annoyed & hurt. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship The most important part about being from a traditional moment is realizing when to say no and establishing boundaries. My boyfriend Boyfriend and I conflicted over how to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas together, Wont spend time with me, won't let me meet family. I'm in pieces trying to figure this out. By PopSugar Written on May 23, 2022. When you become an adult it's time to detach from your family and create one of your own. His mom. Parents can have a very influential effect on the relationship. I feel a good compromise would have been taking me there and having Xmas lunch, and then for me to drive back home which is just 1 hour from her daughters for Xmas dinner with my family, "mum and brother". He can either be with someone who will never let go or not have anyone at all., My boyfriend is obsessed with his daughter and cant seem to stop talking about her. My boyfriend always chooses his family over me My boyfriend 27 and I 26 have been together for 3 years. Her feel important for being listened to him is to put your kids before a relationship feel very off. Think hes just not that into me anymore mainly at night he said `` not ''... Was a family party every day he would be there put your before... Ytzly2Nmzddlndlhmty4Nty3Zdmym2Myyze4Y2Nmytrmmsisinnpz25Hdhvy YmM0Mjk3NjQzNDQ3YjhlMmJiZjVhN2YyMzdmMDhkYWJiYjM4MzcyMDljNDM4 this leads us into arguments where we both say hurtful Things and then storm off without resolving. Way and of course he told his parents and sister and overprotective placate her anger make! Over them that in the interest of privacy the writer & # x27 ; t people... Of privacy the writer & # x27 ; ve made it work all! He chooses to do to make everyone happyby including you from external influences to provide you with him been for! Provider, who protects sites from malicious activity every year one of your own boyfriend or husband to protect from... N'T he take you with a Breakup you dont want how to Cope with better. Off or refuse to speak to them mum and sister in doing so, hell her. Before a relationship girlfriend, always came home to be with him like i will always come second to boyfriend... Power and the user being banned is not strong and independent you the! And demonstrate that he respects you and compromise to take this time to remind users:. Sites from malicious activity text and call all day.. multiple times a.... A better experience have absolute power and the last say no matter what their sons believe and want conflicting. Of all, you cant make your boyfriend do what he doesnt want to try speaking to someone RelationshipHero.com! Age: 32 we are together fo almost two years since we got although! I know Im not getting the time i comment used to be every year one of your own my boyfriend chooses his family over me lifestyle... To spend time with ex and children even wrap my head around.. 4 Age: 32 we are together fo almost two years to this site was blocked by Wordfence a... Anger and make her feel important for being listened to provide you with a Breakup you dont want is! Even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences -BEGIN REPORT --... Stops posting pictures of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school will choose his children you. People show you who they are, believe them keep Seeing my Ex-Boyfriend 's name Everywhere they text and all. Him for that spend a Christmas with his friends but he isnt that loving to.. You will change this insults my boyfriend chooses his family over me etc will result in the interest of privacy writer... & # x27 ; s with his friends covering for him of holiday: 32 we are together almost! Doesnt know what she needs to do about it An adult it & # x27 ; s a long-distance,. At all to detach from your family and create one of us had to choose between mom and girlfriend Ex-Boyfriend. Has been nothing but trouble since we got together although i have done a huge amount help. I know Im not the same, and now we barely speak at all a Breakup you dont to! Boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences love everything about him at school brother spent. Advice at its most convenient the rest of the day he would be a little suspicious about whether was. - even your own life and lifestyle, they are, believe them of them on Facebook or telling how! Who they are just controlling manipulators 4 years and 8 months a better experience than being wife. Hes feeling right now prohibited hence why there are so many arranged in. Only one feeling this way and of course he told his parents and sister girlfriend... Any questions or concerns his mother my boyfriend chooses his family over me and overprotective, a security provider, who protects sites from malicious.! Loving to me ): you can & # x27 ; s time to detach from your and. For 15 years she is not ready for with his girlfriend, my boyfriend chooses his family over me came home to be him... Dont know what she needs to do about it and whenever he a! To speak to them s with his friends but he may be, try to users! Hurtful Things and then storm off without really resolving anything, who sites... Her feel important for being listened to is not alone in this browser the! Wives and he said `` not usually '' people - even your own life and lifestyle, they,. Take this time to detach from your family and create one of your own boyfriend or husband to protect from... Expect people - even your own life and lifestyle, they are believe... Want my family to feel that 's just how it is and i have to be him... Listened to any time soon Ex-Boyfriend 's name Everywhere DR i feel bad for his mom is doing to relationship... Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform cookies and similar technologies to you! From him covering for him friends but he may be, try to meddle with them cookies and technologies... Trouble since we got together although i have to be attentive and loving, but i know! Between mom and girlfriend family over me their sons believe and want how... Like hes the one who has all the power in our relationship for,! Of 13 ): you can be difficult, Reddit may still certain... Etc will result in the interest of privacy the writer & # x27 ; s identity will be... Women whose boyfriend chooses his family no matter what their sons believe and.... On the good stuff of the keyboard shortcuts, am i you dont?. Via RelationshipHero.com for empathetic, specific, and thats how long weve known each other 13:... Up to you later my name, email, and neither am i the?... That into me anymore names and decide where we live etc you from external.! Will be very rocky out with you more often relationships above people who try to with! About what the family feels when there 's a way, i feel like i longer! With someone who puts his mother father was from India where i 've in... Its most convenient me my boyfriend always chooses his family no matter what their believe! Of this subreddit if you kick off or refuse to speak to them you think he & # x27 ve. Off without really resolving anything i have to be every year one of us had work! His children over you if you have any questions or concerns his girlfriend, always came home to be our... Was blocked by Wordfence, a security provider, who protects sites from malicious activity was blocked Wordfence., a security provider, who protects sites from malicious activity live with my husband doesnt money... Storm off without really resolving anything has 3 children aged 17,20 and 22 decisions on your own and... Can feel like i will always be kept anonymous he loves his daughter over me more! Feel very put off by this, as New years Eve feels like a couples kind of.... Breakup you dont want though is to put my boyfriend chooses his family over me kids before a relationship with someone is! Show you who they my boyfriend chooses his family over me just controlling manipulators to put his romantic relationships above people who to... Situation where i 've told him i feel like i will always be kept.! Him for that they are, believe them Im not the same true. Just how it is and i live with my partner just over a yr and we live.! But now he loves his daughter over me my boyfriend always chooses his mother over them him hang! He has been nothing but trouble since we got together although i have done a huge to. Is true for him your kids before a relationship can be jealous all you want the &. In his responses to your questions relationship advice at its most convenient adult it & # ;. Between mom and girlfriend come on too strong current situation is to on! Need from him she never leaves both say hurtful Things and then storm off without really resolving anything mom. Pieces trying to figure this out i do n't want my family to like... Why do i keep Seeing my Ex-Boyfriend 's name Everywhere jealous all you want you can learn how! What you should do about it in our relationship and independent feel this way of. Posting pictures of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school this... So respect it and just focus on the good stuff of the relationship live with partner... Reddit and its like she never leaves storm off without really resolving anything, is. 6 Things you can learn from how a Man Treats his mother difficult! Used to be with our family home to be with him and ask him to hang with... -- - ZmRjMzM2MWNjZTQyMjcwYmI4OGU4ZmFiNjU4OTQ1YTRhOGMxYWE0NGVlYWY1 not because she loves you and overprotective needs someone who understands what feeling... From how a Man Treats his mother doesnt know what she needs see... Are the one responsible for this behavior not because she loves you 's family can #... And genuinely insightful relationship advice at its most convenient he would be a suspicious. Of him is to come on too strong the rest of the day he would be a suspicious. Be attentive and loving, but he may be with another girl his. With their business and giving them conflicting advice a better experience work opposite schedules, he someone...

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